Another weekend is here and that means it's time for the next installment of the Terrible Film of the Week. This one's a real treat. I don't think anyone can truly prepare you for this movie so I'm not going to try:
What can I say about
The Mangler? Well, let me put it this way. It's about a big laundry machine that eats people. That's right. A LAUNDRY MACHINE...THAT EATS PEOPLE. It's based on a short story by Stephen King. If you need any more proof the horror maestro is running out of ideas, you were probably on the jury at O.J.'s trial.
Does Stephen King even look at what he's typing anymore? At no point during the crafting of this horror opus did he glance down at his manuscript and say, "Wait. A laundry machine? What is wrong with me?...Oh, yeah. I'm drunk."
So why should you see this epic saga of love, laundry and demonic possession? I'll give you several reasons:
- Ted Levine. You probably remember Ted from The Silence of the Lambs. He played the crazy dude who wore people's skin. No doubt some studio exec saw his fantastic performance and decided to cast him as the lead in this movie. Except they forgot that you can't understand one word he says. The dude has the deepest voice I've ever heard. He is below the range of human hearing. And he's got a ton of dialogue.
- Some extra. If you want to see the greatest job of over-acting in the history of film, look no further than the scene where a kid gets swallowed by a refrigerator. The man who plays the boy's inconsolable father is a sight to behold. He clearly realized this was probably the only time he would ever be in a movie. And dammit if he wasn't going to give us our money's worth. The result, I can only describe as "brain-punching".
- The climax. At the end of the film, the laundry machine actually gets up and chases our heroes down a staircase. You read that correctly. It pulls itself up out of the ground and grows legs. There are few sights in cinema as grand as this one. There's the burning of Atlanta in Gone with the Wind and then there's a laundry machine with legs chasing some people into a basement.
You owe it to yourself to see
The Mangler. Unless you're afraid of laundry machines. Then I don't know what to tell you.
You should probably see a shrink. Then you can see
The Mangler when you're cured.
Doctor Octopus is a mad scientist with four mechanical arms.
Octopodes are intelligent eight-limbed cephalopods that shoot ink clouds as a form of natural defense.
Doctor Octopus is a mad scientist with four mechanical arms.
Octopodes are intelligent eight-limbed cephalopods that shoot ink clouds as a form of natural defense.
